Category: Uncategorized

We get attached too easily

He’s such a dick.

Honestly.

We are always arguing.

I don’t even know what to do about it.

I literally question my decisions constantly.

I’m attached though.

And thats hard to break.

I met him at aged 16, summer love maybe but we didn’t call it a relationship till October. Now its over 2 years later and I don’t know what to to. I’m in uni now so there’s a couple of hours between us. He drives so I thought it would be fine. He promised to come at least every 3 weeks, he has a weekend off every 3 weeks and said he’d use holiday hours to see me in between. I’ve been here almost two months now and he’s been up to visit me once. His weekend off is next week and he probably isn’t coming. I keep travelling back to visit him but thats not something I can afford to keep doing. It’s not even about the money though, it’s the sentiment. He expects me to bend over backward for him but he won’t make the effort for me, only cares about the relationship when it’s convenient for him. It’s not fair.

But how could I leave him?

He’s all I know. He’s literally my definition of love, he’s part of what defines me.

To be completely honest I started writing this a while ago. I think the distance has change out dynamic. I no longer feel so dependant on him. I’m happy with my own independence and I don’t need him. That doesn’t mean we need to break up though. I may be fully aware that things are not perfect but honestly, I’m in no rush so I don’t really see any harm in just waiting it out and seeing where things end up. There are definitely moments when I feel like I love him. But the distance and the time between visits has definitely dimmed the light we had between us.

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18 and I wanna be alone but I love him

I was 16 when I got into a relationship. Obviously before then I was alone but I was so young I didn’t care. I was never one of those 14 year olds that are so boy obsessed they got caught up in it all. Yes, I would see a boy I like and flirt till my heart was content but at the end of the day I had no issue not being in a relationship…

Until I met Ethan.

It was the summer after school. A friend and I had been volunteering with a swim school and had managed to haggle our way onto a lifeguarding course. Day 1 we rolled up and were met by a group of people also on the course, I didn’t even notice Ethan at first but he claims he noticed me and either way we still both ended up working at the leisure centre together and quickly falling in love.

Less than 3 months after the day we met, we were official.

I found myself becoming more and more obsessed over this beautiful, hilarious, and completely charming boy that most definitely left me swept off my feet.

Almost 2 years now down the line and I still fall more in love with him every single day, the honeymoon period has not worn off. I won’t lie, we’ve had our problems and gone through rough patches but we’re still standing just about. Entering the relationship it was undeniable we had differences. Way too young to talk seriously about the future, but we’d still have fun and cute conversations about where we saw ourselves in life. I want 5 children, he wants 2. I want to live in Germany, he thinks thats weird. I want to adopt, he’d rather not. But none of this has ever seriously gotten in the way of such a young relationship.

But now…

Now I’m 18. I want to travel on my own, I want to feel independent and lazy, I want to explore my sexuality and shit (like I know I’m straight but I wanna have some fun). I don’t know. I know its selfish and I’d never wanna do anything to hurt my baby, I honestly love him more than life itself. But what if I’m missing something? I used to be so independent and ambitious but now it’s like half the plans I had wouldn’t make sense. I understand that life evolves and nothing happens how you set it out to go down but I just don’t want to miss out on the life I lust after.